Good enough

Do you ever feel like there is so much more you could or should be doing? That is how I have been feeling lately. The only thing is I have no motivation to change any of it. Motivation might not be the right word. I feel like who I am today is who I am for right now. I have no idea what the future holds or what might happen that might influence me as a person. I tend to think about the high school version of me and today's version. I am happy with who I am at this point.

Personality

HS - I was quit, awkward, shy, a people pleaser, a good kid. 

Now - I am more outspoken, independent, determined, outgoing, friendly. I stand up for myself.

Physical Appearance

HS - I want to completely for get my Freshman year. So I was lazy, had no interest in making myself presentable, cut all of my hair off, tried modeling, not confident in who I was.

Now - I am still lazy but working on it. I still don't consider myself a girly girl. I do wear more makeup and try and look presentable when I leave the house. I do feel more confident in who I am.

Love
HS - Hmmmm...I loved my parents and brothers as any teen does. I loved Caleb as much as my heart new to love.
Now - Every day I learn that love is different. Love is amazing and hard at the same time. Making sure that the people in my life know I love them. My love for Caleb is completely different now. I look at him in so many more ways and have found more ways to love him. I now have so much love for my son. I have no idea where my heart had more room to give but it feels great.

Overall
HS - There are a lot of things I would do differently if I could.
Now - I think that sometimes being an independent woman can be a good thing and a bad thing. I think as I have gotten older I have become more selfish and I can admit that. As I continue to grow and change I think I may hurt or let people down. I am sure I could be a beter person. There is a lot more I should be grateful for. I should do more service for others.  I should make more time for the people in my life. I should be a better friend. The thing is...at this point I am happy with who I am. I don't feel bad for the things I do or don't do. I am who I am and for now that is good enough.

Bothered...

Please read my bothered post here. I didn't want to type it twice.

http://calebandkaceesadoptionadventure.blogspot.com/

Church today

Today we went to church for the first time since bringing our little guy home. We had no idea what to expect. It didn't start off to great. I blame it on being nap time. Caleb's younger brother blessed their new baby today. After some time had passed out little guy was out for the count. We laid him next to me on the bench until the meeting was over.